Principle #2. Eventually, we all have to deal with the issue of settling.

"I saw a beggar leaning on his wooden crutch; he said to me why do you ask for so much? I saw a woman leaning in her open door; she said to me why not ask for more?" – Leonard Cohen

Eventually, we all have to deal with the issue of settling; we have to weigh what we have against the possibility of something better. There is a difference between the settling which comes from a mindset of scarcity, as in "this is the best I'm going to get, so I better grab it,” vs. the settling which comes from maturity, as in, "there will always be someone hotter, and the person I am with has their flaws – as do we all – but I love them anyway and could be very happy with this person.” In other words, pretty darn good.

A woman who attended many of our events told us a story of having brought a girlfriend along once, who had just broken up with her boyfriend. She came to the door, took one look inside, and, referring to her relationship with her boyfriend, said to herself, "We can work this out;" then turned immediately around and went home.

Now we get a normal cross-section of attractive, presentable, well-dressed, professional single women and men at our events, and this is no bump on them. But this person, when faced with the prospect of all one has to go through to find a new partner, realized that what she had with her current boyfriend was actually pretty good – and worth holding onto.

Found someone you're attracted to, who's fun to spend time with, and who treats you well? Is there a feeling of comfort and excitement about them? Is s/he worthy of your trust? When you've spent a Saturday night together and you're hanging out on Sunday afternoon, do you feel like you really need to be alone, or do you feel like having dinner together? Does s/he know how to ask for what s/he wants? What happens if s/he doesn't always get it?

How many relationship candidates have you ever met who could rack up a good score on all the above variables? Would you pass up a person who could? Would you settle for less?

What questions do you ask yourself when you're considering settling down or moving on?

(Click "Comments," below to see what others have said, and/or to add your comments.)

If you, like a lot of us, find yourself between relationships, you can meet single women and men at one of our innovative Bay Area singles events this week. We never leave conversation to chance!(tm) Click to see our schedule: The Meeting Game Salon.

Principle #1. A relationship is the icing on the cake.

Remember that a relationship is the icing on the cake — not the cake, itself; which, without the icing, can be dry, but is still edible, and sometimes even moist and tasty all on its own!

The cake, in this little analogy, being your life. There comes a time – and really, the earlier the better – that it's good for each of us to acknowledge to ourselves that it's just possible that, as much as we might want one, there's really no way to know if a long-term relationship is in the cards for us.

Just in case, the sooner we start looking at making full lives for ourselves, not only the happier we're going to be, but the more likely we are, as whole, complete people, to actually find healthy, long-lasting relationships. The longer we stay hanging out in that needy, longing, unfulfilled stage of feeling incomplete without a partner, the more likely we are to hook up with similarly half-formed single women or men (a recipe for relationship problems) – or to remain alone.

The more self-contained we are, the more desirable we are to the opposite sex, and the more power we'll have in any relationship we enter into. While we aren't all lucky enough to be born as inner-directed individuals with high self-esteem, or to have been brought up by healthy parents who taught us those skills, each of us can move his/her own life in that direction.

Feeling lonely and isolated? You can start to change that by filling your social calendar, doing things you personally enjoy, just by yourself, cultivating a new hobby, learning to play an instrument, accepting all social invitations, inviting other people to do things with you, doing volunteer work, exercising, and/or making art.

Personally, the best Thanksgiving I had – ever – was one that, as a single man outside a relationship at the time (and lone wolf like many single men in our culture tend to be), I spent virtually alone. That particular holiday, having no social invitations either issued or received, I volunteered to deliver meals for a Meals on Wheels-type organization, went for a hike, and went home and made myself a traditional Jewish Thanksgiving holiday meal – tacos!

I wasn't depressed, I had a good time, I got some exercise, I felt good about having helped others less fortunate than I, and as it turned out, it was a fantastic personal celebration – having got the monkey off my back of always having to be with other people on holidays to keep the blues away. There's great comfort and power in knowing that, despite the cultural messages we all get, one can be self-sufficient when those holidays roll around!

That being said, as we all know, it's still nice to have a relationship. If you, like a lot of us, find yourself between relationships, you can meet single women and men at one of our innovative Bay Area singles events this week. We never leave conversation to chance! Click to see our schedule: The Meeting Game Salon.

Click Comments, below, to add your comment or post a relationship question you'd like to see addressed here.