Principle #1. A relationship is the icing on the cake.

Remember that a relationship is the icing on the cake — not the cake, itself; which, without the icing, can be dry, but is still edible, and sometimes even moist and tasty all on its own!

The cake, in this little analogy, being your life. There comes a time – and really, the earlier the better – that it's good for each of us to acknowledge to ourselves that it's just possible that, as much as we might want one, there's really no way to know if a long-term relationship is in the cards for us.

Just in case, the sooner we start looking at making full lives for ourselves, not only the happier we're going to be, but the more likely we are, as whole, complete people, to actually find healthy, long-lasting relationships. The longer we stay hanging out in that needy, longing, unfulfilled stage of feeling incomplete without a partner, the more likely we are to hook up with similarly half-formed single women or men (a recipe for relationship problems) – or to remain alone.

The more self-contained we are, the more desirable we are to the opposite sex, and the more power we'll have in any relationship we enter into. While we aren't all lucky enough to be born as inner-directed individuals with high self-esteem, or to have been brought up by healthy parents who taught us those skills, each of us can move his/her own life in that direction.

Feeling lonely and isolated? You can start to change that by filling your social calendar, doing things you personally enjoy, just by yourself, cultivating a new hobby, learning to play an instrument, accepting all social invitations, inviting other people to do things with you, doing volunteer work, exercising, and/or making art.

Personally, the best Thanksgiving I had – ever – was one that, as a single man outside a relationship at the time (and lone wolf like many single men in our culture tend to be), I spent virtually alone. That particular holiday, having no social invitations either issued or received, I volunteered to deliver meals for a Meals on Wheels-type organization, went for a hike, and went home and made myself a traditional Jewish Thanksgiving holiday meal – tacos!

I wasn't depressed, I had a good time, I got some exercise, I felt good about having helped others less fortunate than I, and as it turned out, it was a fantastic personal celebration – having got the monkey off my back of always having to be with other people on holidays to keep the blues away. There's great comfort and power in knowing that, despite the cultural messages we all get, one can be self-sufficient when those holidays roll around!

That being said, as we all know, it's still nice to have a relationship. If you, like a lot of us, find yourself between relationships, you can meet single women and men at one of our innovative Bay Area singles events this week. We never leave conversation to chance! Click to see our schedule: The Meeting Game Salon.

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